Post by freed on Jul 26, 2009 20:36:57 GMT -8
This is an article I wrote for my website, It is a testimony and a lesson in a way.
"Lost and Found"
I wanted to say a word on what it is like to lose your connection with the lord. As a kid I was a follower of christ, I went to church every week, went to Vacation Bible School every summer, even went on church functions. I tried to live right, I would mentally pray before meals and everything. Well as I grew up into a teenanger I lost some of that, I still tried to live right, I would go to church still but I didn't exactly believe in Jesus much anymore, really I went through the steps to please my parents. On May 13h, 2003, my mom died. It hit me harder than a ton of bricks falling from the moon could, which is where my downfall started.Six months after the death of her, I moved to Roswell, New Mexico. There I started hanging out with people that I really shouldn't have even known.We would sit around disrupting class or swear at our teachers, mostly performing little practical jokes, as we liked to call them then, on our classmates and people we didn't even know.
I stayed there for about another three months and we finally moved to Oklahoma.I started school there
and I promised myself and most importantly God, things would change, I wouldn't be doing anything like that anymore.
As much as I hate to admit it, I lied to myself and God. I found myself standing around halls throwing people
in lockers just for the fun of it. I was particpating in hitting people in areas better left unmentioned,
and guess what... Even more Grafiti, We marked desks, lockers, walls, cafeteria tables, if it could hold ink we
marked it. We thought it would be cool if we swore at random people and caused trouble in the local park, anytime
we were together at the park we would pick on people. No kid was safe from our trouble's except maybe family. That
didn't last very long itself. Starting my freshman year in high school we moved to a little town named Stroud. Once
again, I told myself; it won't happen again, I won't let it. Boy was I wrong.... Again.... Starting my freshman
year I was quite, I tried to stay to myself so I could get my life back on track but it just didn't work. At school
found myself talking to people exactly like I was the rest of my teenage life, performing the same acts as the rest
of my life. I stayed about the same untill the summer of my junior year. I was finally old enough to get a job,
being a teenanger that meant I had the world in the palm of my hands, everyone answered to me. My attitude showed it.
Not long after the job I started staying out biggest part of the night, at first I was just being a rebel, I didn't
want to go home after work and I had to prove that I didn't have to answer to anyone! I started staying out late
with friends, would go walk alley ways and smoking cigarettes because it was the cool and rebel thing to do. Well
eventually it got worse, instead of walking around alleys smoking cigarettes I was sitting on couches drinking beer
and smoking cigarettes. I started disobeying my dad even more, I would yell at him and talk bad about him, things I
never thought I would be doing in a million years. Not long after that I started doing drugs and selling them,
getting into fights, creating another gang of hoodlums around town. By this point I was not only running from
everything I stood for as a child but was trying to deystroy it as a whole. I started getting deeper into the drugs
and the booze, I was never sober anymore by this point, at work, school, and home I was high off something. After
work I would find a party and go to it, coming home anywhere from 1:30 to 3:00 in the morning, even higher
and drunker than the night before. When I was not at a party I would be at a underground fight club we had
formed doing drugs and fighting. I didn't know who I was or even where I was most of the time, I had lost
complete control of my life and gave into sin 100%. I moved out of my dad's house the day I turned 18, I moved into
a friends house who just happened to be part of the gang I was in, guess what? I performed even more partying,
even more underground fight clubs. Close to a year ago from this date my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I
tried to settle down and take back control of my life but I was in to deep, I hit an all time low in my life the
night I finally got arrested for drinking. Before I got handcuffed I made a promise to God, one I planned to keep
if he helped, I asked him to I got arrested get me out with a clean record, I asked that he grant me the family I
had created and most of all I asked for forgivness. I sat in a jail cell for close to a day until I could
finally set bail and get out. I got home and Holly was sitting on the couch waiting for me worried sick but still
wanting to stand by my side and let me raise my daughter, they counted the charge as a mis-deamonor and I didn't
have any court for it what so ever. I cleaned up a little bit after that, I stopped all my drugs after that,
but I still had a drinking problem, I didn't go out but I would stay at the place I was drinking at. One night I
got so drunk I got in a fight with my best friend and was on the verge of breaking up with my girlfriend and the
mother of my soon to be baby. After that night I remembered my promise to God and I settled down quite a bit.
Two months after we had the baby I woke up one night and I found myself praying in my sleep, I couldn't stand to
pray unless I was in trouble, I still didn't want anything to do with God, so I stopped immediatley. After I stopped
I had such a depression hit that I found myself looking for people to get me alchole. This scared me so I gave up,
I let the lord have complete control over me. I felt amazing but it went even farther for me. My current phone at
the time was really messed up, in order to respond to a message I would have to memorize the number and go in
manually and type it in. One night while I was at work I recieved a message from a friend whose number got deleted
from my phone somehow. I didn't know who it was So I typed in the number I thought it was, I was wrong. I reached a
youth pastor named Jason from Oklahoma city, we got to talking and he said that he had a message from God for me.
The Lord wanted me to get baptized and fully accept him into my life, three day's after reaching him Jason was on
his way to Stroud and I recieved the Lord fully into my life in a lake. What I am getting at with this article is
no matter how lost you may seem in your life or how out of control you may think it is, Jesus will forgive you if
all you do is ask. I went from a lost soul with absolutely no purpose in life, no reason to live and what I thought
was unforgiveable for the lord, to being forgiven and saved being hid behind the cross. I have come to realize that
no matter how big of a problem may arise in your life, nothing is to big for the Lord. I have learned that he has
never abandoned me and never will, that no matter what I did to him he still loved me enough to forgive me for
everything I have done these past five years of my life. The same goes for you, no matter what you may have done
or what you think, He is still with you and He still loves you. In closing I ask that you think about how your
relationship with God is and pray for it to be better and stronger. He listens whether you think he does or not,
and He is more than willing to give answers to all problems you may have, all you have to do is listen.
God bless,
Freed
I stayed there for about another three months and we finally moved to Oklahoma.I started school there
and I promised myself and most importantly God, things would change, I wouldn't be doing anything like that anymore.
As much as I hate to admit it, I lied to myself and God. I found myself standing around halls throwing people
in lockers just for the fun of it. I was particpating in hitting people in areas better left unmentioned,
and guess what... Even more Grafiti, We marked desks, lockers, walls, cafeteria tables, if it could hold ink we
marked it. We thought it would be cool if we swore at random people and caused trouble in the local park, anytime
we were together at the park we would pick on people. No kid was safe from our trouble's except maybe family. That
didn't last very long itself. Starting my freshman year in high school we moved to a little town named Stroud. Once
again, I told myself; it won't happen again, I won't let it. Boy was I wrong.... Again.... Starting my freshman
year I was quite, I tried to stay to myself so I could get my life back on track but it just didn't work. At school
found myself talking to people exactly like I was the rest of my teenage life, performing the same acts as the rest
of my life. I stayed about the same untill the summer of my junior year. I was finally old enough to get a job,
being a teenanger that meant I had the world in the palm of my hands, everyone answered to me. My attitude showed it.
Not long after the job I started staying out biggest part of the night, at first I was just being a rebel, I didn't
want to go home after work and I had to prove that I didn't have to answer to anyone! I started staying out late
with friends, would go walk alley ways and smoking cigarettes because it was the cool and rebel thing to do. Well
eventually it got worse, instead of walking around alleys smoking cigarettes I was sitting on couches drinking beer
and smoking cigarettes. I started disobeying my dad even more, I would yell at him and talk bad about him, things I
never thought I would be doing in a million years. Not long after that I started doing drugs and selling them,
getting into fights, creating another gang of hoodlums around town. By this point I was not only running from
everything I stood for as a child but was trying to deystroy it as a whole. I started getting deeper into the drugs
and the booze, I was never sober anymore by this point, at work, school, and home I was high off something. After
work I would find a party and go to it, coming home anywhere from 1:30 to 3:00 in the morning, even higher
and drunker than the night before. When I was not at a party I would be at a underground fight club we had
formed doing drugs and fighting. I didn't know who I was or even where I was most of the time, I had lost
complete control of my life and gave into sin 100%. I moved out of my dad's house the day I turned 18, I moved into
a friends house who just happened to be part of the gang I was in, guess what? I performed even more partying,
even more underground fight clubs. Close to a year ago from this date my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I
tried to settle down and take back control of my life but I was in to deep, I hit an all time low in my life the
night I finally got arrested for drinking. Before I got handcuffed I made a promise to God, one I planned to keep
if he helped, I asked him to I got arrested get me out with a clean record, I asked that he grant me the family I
had created and most of all I asked for forgivness. I sat in a jail cell for close to a day until I could
finally set bail and get out. I got home and Holly was sitting on the couch waiting for me worried sick but still
wanting to stand by my side and let me raise my daughter, they counted the charge as a mis-deamonor and I didn't
have any court for it what so ever. I cleaned up a little bit after that, I stopped all my drugs after that,
but I still had a drinking problem, I didn't go out but I would stay at the place I was drinking at. One night I
got so drunk I got in a fight with my best friend and was on the verge of breaking up with my girlfriend and the
mother of my soon to be baby. After that night I remembered my promise to God and I settled down quite a bit.
Two months after we had the baby I woke up one night and I found myself praying in my sleep, I couldn't stand to
pray unless I was in trouble, I still didn't want anything to do with God, so I stopped immediatley. After I stopped
I had such a depression hit that I found myself looking for people to get me alchole. This scared me so I gave up,
I let the lord have complete control over me. I felt amazing but it went even farther for me. My current phone at
the time was really messed up, in order to respond to a message I would have to memorize the number and go in
manually and type it in. One night while I was at work I recieved a message from a friend whose number got deleted
from my phone somehow. I didn't know who it was So I typed in the number I thought it was, I was wrong. I reached a
youth pastor named Jason from Oklahoma city, we got to talking and he said that he had a message from God for me.
The Lord wanted me to get baptized and fully accept him into my life, three day's after reaching him Jason was on
his way to Stroud and I recieved the Lord fully into my life in a lake. What I am getting at with this article is
no matter how lost you may seem in your life or how out of control you may think it is, Jesus will forgive you if
all you do is ask. I went from a lost soul with absolutely no purpose in life, no reason to live and what I thought
was unforgiveable for the lord, to being forgiven and saved being hid behind the cross. I have come to realize that
no matter how big of a problem may arise in your life, nothing is to big for the Lord. I have learned that he has
never abandoned me and never will, that no matter what I did to him he still loved me enough to forgive me for
everything I have done these past five years of my life. The same goes for you, no matter what you may have done
or what you think, He is still with you and He still loves you. In closing I ask that you think about how your
relationship with God is and pray for it to be better and stronger. He listens whether you think he does or not,
and He is more than willing to give answers to all problems you may have, all you have to do is listen.
God bless,
Freed